Holiday's Flawlessness.

So, August. Well okay, I should probably remind myself that August isn't really my favorite month, not really, I hate it actually. I also didn't feel like getting much blessing in this Ramadhan month. I wish it's just that God wants to take a lil break from peppering me with His blessing and see how far I can keep my faith in :) He loves me, I know.

Well, I guess I'm about to share why I just wanted to run away. Here's the snippets:

• It's lately been difficult for me to met daddy. He seemed like vastly busy and panic and stressful that when I finally met him, he had no time to listened to all my story as usual. And during my holiday, I only met him once. Yeah, once. Ironic isn't it? I still have sooooooo much things to tell, dad. And I keep waiting as I sit quietly.
• I lost someone that definitely been my precious one for this whole 9 months. It's not the separating that drives me sorrowful, it's the fact that's hitting me that he didn't feel lost the way I did. He even seemed like releasing the big burden he carried. No, no, I might be overthinking. But he had to choose. And I got to adjust it :) for the sake of his happiness. 
• My home's getting hotter each day. Not by the sunshine exposure, but the everlasting stiffness that's going through my mom and me. My mom is a super woman who handles everything in the role of being single parent. But apparently she might be too tired to rule alone. So she's now in her lowest mood of everything. Never dare to even touch her, hehehe. But I luv u still mom.

And the last thing I could say is that I don't have someone appropriate to share those things directly. My best friends here are already busy after Ied Mubarak day ends. My best friend there I haven't tell, I'm just gonna wait until we meet and I shed her my whole creepy story. So I guess this blog is the best temporary place for me to confide in.

P.S: I Love You. xoxo.

Yesterday lesson learned.

The one that you prioritized doesn't always make you their priority in return. Never blame them for not prioritizing you back, blame yourself for thinking that they will. And additional self blaming for making them priority at the first place :) a lil slap on my face maybe? Need one urgently.

More unimportant thing about me.

ANGER
1. Are you currently mad at someone?
- I'm nervously disappointed, but I'm not mad.


2. Which family member has the worst temper?
- My mom. She could smile entire morning and a tiny mistake could break her whole mood :p


3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone's face?
- Not that I remember. Not in purpose.


4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
- My face is always reddish so, it's quiet difficult to define.


5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
- I prefer doing both.


EXCITEMENT
1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
- Yes, but it's more likely to be a presents instead of party. So, no.


3. Which of your friends is most excitable?
- Eyi I guess HAHAHA


4. If you won a million $
- I'll get myself my own island and starting to make a new civilization.


5. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?
- Ability to read people's mind.


YOU
1. Name:
- Nicky


2. Where were you born?
- Padang, hoam.


3. What's your main goal in life?
- To be able to love myself. that's the first step of all.


4. Do you want to have children?
- If only I could own one of them just now....


5. How do you want to die?
- Painlessly, with smiley face.


OPINIONS
1. Sex before marriage?
- Not a good idea.


2. Lower the drinking age?
- Why should there age restriction? A drunk people is drunk.


3. Abortion?
- That's abusive


4. Recycling?
- Who would says no? That's a must.


LOVE
1. Do you have a crush?
- Not really no.


2. Who is the best hugger that you know?
- My daddy forever.


3. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- Nope. Infatuation at the first sight, yes.


LAST
1. Person you saw not in your family?
- My sister's friends.


2. Person you hugged?
- My mom.


3. Movie watched?
- Malaikat Tanpa Sayap.


4. Song you listened to:
- Owl City - Fireflies


TODAY
1. What are you doing now?
- Sleepy typing.


2. What are you doing tonight?
- Nothing.


3. What are you going to eat for dinner?
- Everything my mom made me. A girl in fasting is seriously hungry bastard.


TOMORROW
1. Is:
- Another boring day.


2. What are you doing?
- Going back to my hometown


CURRENTLY
1. Currently love someone:
- Kinda.


2. Like someone:
- Oh, maybe.


3. Do they know it?:
- I don't think so.


4. Is it a simple or complicated situation?:
- Uhm a bit complicated. We seem to walk in a different route.


5. Does someone like you:
- I don't know, i'm bad at it.


IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU
1. Had sex?
- Nope


2. Bought something?
- yap. Some clothes.


3. Gotten sick?
- yuhuuuuu. Puked all day.


4. Been hugged?
- Yey.


5. Felt stupid?
- This is everyday thingy.


6. Talked to an ex?
- yap. They all just suddenly popped out of nowhere.


7. Missed someone?
- Every day.


8. Failed a test?
- Nope, Alhamdulillah.


9. Danced?
- Traditional dance :p and I was totally weird


10. Gotten your hair cut?
- Nope. I think i have to.


11. Lied?
- Not quiet remember.


UNIQUE
1. Nervous habits?
- I squeeze my clothes with my wet hand.


2. Are you double jointed?
- I'm not quite sure


3. Can you roll your tongue?
- With some help by my teeth, haha, yes.


4. Can you raise one eyebrow?
- Nope. Thats my biggest challenge of all years.


5. Do you make your bed daily?
- Hmmmmm yep, my mom taught that.


6. Do you think you are unique?
- I think everyone's unique.

Kiw ;)

You'​re trapped in a room for 3 days with your ex, what do you do?
Awkwardly silent until my stomach makes that horrible sound.

You'​re stuck​ on an elevator with the person you have fallen the hardest for. What happens?​
Since i'm not into him anymore, I'm gonna act as elegant as possible. And awkwardly silent.

Do you want to marry​ your boyfriend/girlfriend​?​
Not for now, I never really think about it.

When is the last time you were in a photo​booth​ taking pictures with friends?​
last semester.

Who'​s the last person you had a sleep​over with?​
Ka Nabel.

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoid​ed seeing them?​
I have. People need their "me time" sometime.

On average,​ what do you think​ you cry about​ the most?​
My dad's touchy advice.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can tell every​thing​ to?
Of course! I even got 2 of them.

Does it matte​r to you if your boyfriend/​girlfriend​ smoke​s?​
Totally.

Do you think​ you have made a difference​ in anyone'​s life?​
I do. And that's such a great feeling when he told me so.

Which​ of your friends is the easiest to talk to?
Eyi. And the boys.

What'​s going​ on between you and the last person you kissed?​
It's a bit complicated.

Are you going​ anywhere next summer?​
I havent think about it.

Are you waiting for anyone to call right​ now?
Not really, no.

Are you shy?
Not particularly. I'm more likely to be an extrovert.

Are you talkative?​
For some occasion, yes. totally.

Do you announce when you have to pee?
A lot............ I know its weird.

Who was the last person you cried​ in front​ of?
Eyi and Ria.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?​
I'm great at failing it. I never good to hide anything.

How is life going​ for you right​ now?
Bored.

Do you trust​ people easily?​
Nope. I always have room in my heart where I could be thinking of every possibilities that they lie to my face. Even "they" refers to the closest person in my life.

Do you give out second​ chances easily?​
Only if i know that would be worth it. Which means that's so rare to happen.

Do you smile​ a lot?
I do :)

One thing​ you'​re looking forward to?
Places references to held tifocraft.

How do you feel about​ change?​
Some are remarkable, some are suck. some just weird but fun.

Have you ever cried​ from being​ so mad?
Yep.

Do you get the recommended eight​ hours​ of sleep​ each night​?​
Yes. totally. And i dont know why.

Are you ticklish?​
Yes, like, very much.

Behind the emptiness

Here's a chance to see how well you really know your spouse/significant other. Cut, paste, and fill in the answers, then forward. The real challenge is to send it to your spouse/significant to see if you are right!
No I will never send it. See, I answer them over my emptiness. No hard feeling!


1. He's sitting in front of the TV. What is on the screen?
Football match of course, especially when Intermilan are about to play. Oh and Masih Dunia Lain.

2. You're out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Mayonaise. And other weird things :p

3. What's one food he not like?
Everything that is sharp!

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What drink does he order?
Ice tea i guess. He doesnt make as much experiments against beverage as food.

5. Where did he go to high school?
SMAN 1 Bukittinggi.

6. What size shoe does he wear?
43 I guess.

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be?
Umm, he doesn't have any collections, but I think he'd love to collect guns if possible.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
One with cheese and pickle maybe.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
Donuts with almond as the topping.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
I dont think he likes one.

11. What would he never wear?
Sneakers.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
Inter milan.

13. Who did he vote for?
I dont know.

14. Who is his best friend?
That mentastic four fellas.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
I love wearing t-shirts.

16. What's his dream job?
Being a lecturer as a sidejob, after completely make his own company.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday. What kind of cake do you make?
A blackforest. He likes all kind of cakes i think.

18. Did he or she play sports in high school?
I dont think so. but, maybe, futsal.

19. What could he do for hours?
play video games.

20. What is one unique talent he/she has?
He cooks master.

WHAT, IS,THIS? Errrrrrrr.

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?

I dont Know

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?

Errrrr on my bust -_-

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? 

No, I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by some guys my age that I dont really have time to notice that hottie lecturer.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? 

Nope. I ever saw other couple did it and i swear for my life that's annoying.

5. What body part do you wash first?

My hair.

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? 

What is this?

7. What's the strangest talent you have?

I can sing and kill insects at the same time.

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? 

My belly button? Innie all the way.

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? 

None.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be?

I have. And it's fun enough as long as I enjoy the motive i'm being tied up.

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?

I dont remember, its like plenty of years ago

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? 

I dont drive. huhu.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? 

In my dreams, yes. I'm dating my boyfriend while I'm loving Andrew Garfield too.

14. How many times have you been cussed out? 

Never. In my face :p I dont know what happen in those hearts

15. Which shoe do you put on first? 

Left one.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? 

I never even entered any bar. My mom would strip me off.

18. Girls-- 

They're impossible. im impossible.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? 

I dont think so. I lways ended up in a much different character when it comes to next.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? 

Nooooooooooope.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? 

Nope.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? 

That special one. And everyone is special.

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? 

I dont think so. But yeah, a poem.

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? 

My bath towel i guess. i'm gonna use it only after i completely refreshed.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? 

All the clothes my mom owns. I dont even remember the time she ever wears that one reddish black dress.

26. What was your childhood nickname? 

Cici.

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? 

Never.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?

Who am i? a psycho? never.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?

I dont drive.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?

Errrr I dont even think i can do that.

31. How do you eat your cookie? 

Bite and swallow. the end.

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? 

I have never worked out in a gym.

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others.

Daydreaming

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?

I never get drunk. Once I fainted over a sparkling sprite.

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?

Yuck no.

38. How often do you clean out your ears?

Only as often as possible.

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? 

Scrunch you weird.

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? 

Is that even important? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

41. Do you have any strange phobias?

Being rejected.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 

leaves.

43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? 

I'm dreaming to get there.

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? 

Oh yes. I answered these dumb questions to kill time.

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? 

Never.

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date?

Lol never.

47. Have you ever played naked Twister? 

I've never played Twister.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work?

 I've never been truly drunk.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? 

I didnt really notice. 

50. Do you want to bring sexy back?

Big no. 

how's your wedding plan gonna be?

1. how old are you?

18. What? Too young to participate? Oh whatever I'm bored.

2. are you single?

Uh I don't know hahaha

3. at what age do you think you'll get married?

24 the soonest, 28 the latest

4. do you think you'll marrying the person you are with now?

yes. and no. I dont know like seriously.

5. if not, who do you want to marry?

Andrew Garfield ;)

6. who will be your bridesmaid & bestman?

My bestfriends! And my dad.

7. do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?

Garden wedding wud be cute ;)

8. where do you plan to go on honeymoon?

Lucerne of course. Oh and Venice. Or paris.

9. how many guests do you think you'll invite?

As much as ppl me and my husbie are close with.

10. will that include your exes?

Dependent. Really really dependent.

11. how many layers of cake do you want? layers of cake?

I think that's just going to be my mom's business. She's great in cakes thingy.

12. when do you want to get married, morning or evening?

Both. Hihi.

13. name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.

Jangan lagu yang memancing kegalauan yang jelas-_- owl city and SO7's songs are great :9

14. do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon&fork?knife?

Since I want to held garden wedding plan, Barbecuing will be the only option~

15. champagne or red wine?

Emmmmmm.... none.

16. honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?

Right after the wedding :3

17. money or household items?

Household items! The cutest one.

18. how many kids would you like to have?

2 as twins hehe

19. will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?

It gives me idea :3

20. whose wedding plan would you like to know next?

Everyone!

Randomization.

"Dunia ini tempatnya orang-orang dewasa. Kita hanya perlu berpura-pura tua untuk melewatinya, atau berpura-pura muda untuk menghindarinya." -cuplikan film Malaikat Tanpa Sayap

Agak susah mengartikan kalimat itu. Tokoh yang menyebutkan kata-kata tersebut di film MTS bernama Vino, seorang remaja tanggung berumur 17 tahun. Mungkin menurut sudut pandangnya sendiri, tidak ada tempat yang benar-benar pas untuk ditempati oleh mereka, para remaja. Di satu sisi, ia bisa dianggap masih belum cukup umur untuk mengerti apa yang terjadi, dianggap belum pantas untuk mengetahui apa yang "mereka" bicarakan. Di sisi lain, lingkungan mengajarkannya untuk mulai bertanggung jawab terhadap dirinya sendiri, untuk mulai memikirkan akan menjadi seperti apa dirinya di masa depan. Dipercaya untuk memilih, tapi tidak dipercaya untuk memilih. Mungkin seperti itu kehidupan seorang remaja. 

Tahun ini aku akan menginjak usia 19 tahun. Wow, aneh sekali. 19 tahun terasa cukup lama ketika diucapkan, namun setelah aku meresapinya dengan apa saja yang telah kucapai, apa saja yang telah kulakukan, rasanya baru kemarin aku lahir. 

Aku belum melakukan banyak hal.

Lamanya waktu bisa diukur dari berbagai kejadian penting yang pernah datang ke kehidupanku, begitu cara ku memaknai waktu. Kejadian-kejadian yang benar-benar aku ingat dalam hidupku, kejadian yang cukup bermakna, bisa dibilang sangat sedikit. Aku tak pernah menjadi pemenang lomba nasional apapun, aku tak pernah mengikuti kursus menari, alat musik, bahasa jerman, dan sebagainya. Aku bahkan tidak pernah berjalan-jalan keluar kota bersama papa dan mama. Kalau bukan hanya sama mama, ya sama papa saja. Dan, yang paling sederhana, aku tidak pernah memiliki memori tentang makan malam bersama di meja makan rumah bersama papa dan mama. Hehe. Begitulah, 19 tahun terasa sangat singkat bagiku sekarang.

Menjadi remaja mungkin tidak seindah kelihatannya. Indah, ketika kau tahu ada orang-orang yang akan menopangmu menuju kesuksesan, yang akan selalu ada untuk membantumu ataupun sekedar memberi saran. Ketika kau tahu, bahwa setidaknya usaha kerasmu untuk meraih semua kesuksesan itu memiliki alasan. Tentunya aku memiliki alasanku sendiri. Aku punya papa, mama, adik, kakak, dan diriku sendiri untuk dibahagiakan. Tapi, terkadang ini semua masih terasa berat. I have a different life that no one will ever understand. 

Tetapi, menjadi remaja juga memiliki iramanya sendiri. Kau tidak bisa menghindarkan hidupmu dari hormon-hormon normal yang mulai bekerja pada tubuhmu. Cinta monyet, begitu istilah yang sering kudengar. Terlalu cepat bagiku untuk menyimpulkan ketertarikan pada lawan jenis sebagai cinta. Tapi, apapun itu, aku menikmati setiap tapakannya yang sedikit banyak mengalihkan pikiranku dari masalah ini dan itu. Cinta monyet :p

Sahabat juga berpengaruh besar sekali dalam pertumbuhanku. Aku sangat bersyukur memiliki beberapa orang yang selalu menyiapkan telinga mereka untuk mendengarkanku, mendengarkan segala ceritaku yang tidak penting sekalipun. Aku senang melihat mereka menghargai itu. Ah, ternyata aku kaya. Aku punya sahabat, aku bisa jatuh cinta, dan aku punya mimpi.

Oh iya, mimpi. Aku bermimpi membahagiakan kedua orangtuaku. Apapun yang mereka perbuat padaku, mereka adalah orang yang melahirkanku keatas dunia ini. Mereka hanya lupa, atau tidak mengerti, bahwa apa yang mereka lakukan telah menorehkan sedikit cacat pada perkembangan mentalku. Perkembanganku.

Aku menyayangi mereka semua. Aku seorang remaja, yang saking labilnya, bisa merasa sangat marah dan rindu dalam waktu yang bersamaan. Aku ingin merasakan mimpi-mipi itu menjadi nyata dan mendarat dikedua tanganku. Aku ingin merasakan mereka mengubah hidupku, menyatukan titik-titik yang kuciptakan sendiri, menjadi satu kesatuan indah yang akan membawaku kepada kebahagiaan seutuhnya, bersama orang-orang yang kucintai.

Semoga aku belum terlambat untuk itu.